


if i could take us back

by fangirl__extraordinaire



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, Past Character Death, background reference to vespa/knives, but anyway the whole time i was picturing her dancing, dancing Juno Steel, i wish my sister would teach me to dance, this doesn't even have a plot it's just me babbling away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl__extraordinaire/pseuds/fangirl__extraordinaire
Summary: Juno relives his memories as Benzaiten's dance student
Relationships: Benzaiten Steel & Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	if i could take us back

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the Julie and the Phantoms soundtrack while writing this so the title is from Unsaid Emily.

The Carte Blanche is eerily quiet, just the occasional creak to fill up the space. A haunting melody starts floating down the corridors, clearly a live recording by the hollowness and imperfections in the music. In the command center stands the crew’s detective, arms ghosting through half-familiar movements. Despite no one in the room, his expression is carefully blank, brown eyes fixed on a wall projection. A younger face, slimmer than his own, is reflected back at him.

  
Buddy had played the song earlier, after a family meeting, and his heart had nearly stopped from the sudden onslaught of emotions that had come to him as the first notes rang through the speaker.

  
_“Love, are you okay?” Peter, ever aware of his emotions, had noticed how his breathing had stopped, had noticed the shadow across his face._

_  
“Rita, dear, be- “_

_  
The sound cut out suddenly, and through a misty gaze, Juno had seen how Rita had tripped on getting out of her seat, knocking Buddy’s comms to the floor._

_  
“Oops, sorry Captain A! I can be so clumsy sometimes!”  
_

_Juno, feeling Nureyev’s gaze still on him, answered, “I, I’m okay. Just choked on my tea is all; the Big Guy always makes it so hot, doesn’t he? It’s a wonder we don’t all have throat cancer.” Vespa shot him a glare, unsurprisingly. The rest of them paused, then carried on as normal when Rita started prattling about the stream they would watch tonight. A hand reached under the table to grip his, and he held on tight. _  
__

Juno’s not a professional dancer, not at all. The steps he’s managed to learn are ingrained in his memory, well-practiced. But if anyone were to teach him a new dance, well, they’d better be ready to end up a pile on the floor either from embarrassment or from his clumsy feet. He doesn’t know how Benzaiten dealt with it. He was always more patient than Juno. They are two sides of the same coin, really; Juno is impulsive and antsy and that makes him a poor dance student but the opposite qualities make Ben a great teacher. But Ben’s one of the few people to have had the patience to teach him to move his body gracefully, to talk him through his frustrations, to give him the language to turn his emotions into practiced combinations. He will never be half the dancer Benzaiten was, but his teachings stay with him in every step he takes.

The song Buddy had played earlier had flowed into his dreams last night, leaving ghosts dancing through his dreams, laughter and cries echoing to the beat of the music. He’s lucky the entire team is off the ship today, as it gives him much needed space.

The boy in the projection is moving with a kind of joy and freedom that contrasts the music, and Juno, who occasionally sat in on Benten’s classes, can hear the memory of his teacher reprimanding him, telling him to stop ruining the effect. Ben would laugh it off, let out a promise of a better performance, and the teacher knew to back off, knew that he would keep his word. The Juno of a year ago would’ve said that that was another key difference between the twins—Ben was the dependable one, Juno was not. Now, Juno would say he’s just a little more careful with choosing the people who can depend on him.

When they were younger, being Ben’s first student was a point of pride for him. Practically, it worked well, too, allowed him to keep up with Sasha’s quick escapes and occasionally avoid trouble. Time in the studio and in abandoned alleyways meant time with Ben without his mother nearby. Dancing gave a purpose to his steps, and he relished in the feeling of skirts swishing on his legs.

This song though, is the last one Benzaiten had walked him through, before he got busy with his classes and Juno with the HCPD and avoiding Oldtown. It was one of Ben’s old audition pieces for lyrical that was paired with a beautiful emerald green dress. In that dress, Juno could see why Ben was the one voted ‘Galaxy’s Best Smile’. His brother looked almost angelic, the way the color complemented his dark brown skin, the way it showcased his hard-earned muscles, the way the dance lit up his face like nothing else. When Juno allowed himself to think about it, he always wondered: did Benzaiten know? Did he know that this dance would be the last one he would leave Juno with?

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), the recording is mostly of them messing around in the studio after hours. Mick and Annie, providing music in a cello and violin duet. Ben loosely running through steps, laughing and half-heartedly counting, in grey sweatpants.

“Hey, hey Ben are those my sweatpants?”

“I can’t hear youuu! 1, 2, 3—look at my foot placement here, it is pointed… Juno, Juno are you paying attention? You better do this perfectly next round!” Benten falters, misses a step, and runs towards the camera, a smile on his face and arms outstretched to grab Juno.

Juno shrieks, “No, no, no! Is this how you treat all your students, Ben? Does anyone learn anything around here?” His voice changes to be low and teasing and with an almost foreign tone that he hasn’t directed at anyone in years. The view swings around wildly, presumably as Ben and Juno wrestle around for a bit, before Mick yells at them.

“Hey, I’m getting tired over here! Ya know I love the two of you, but if you don’t do a serious practice I’m leaving.” Mick can’t even keep the exasperated tone in his voice, but the twins straighten out and Ben grabs Juno by the hand and leads them to the starting place.

The Juno of today only has eyes for Ben, and mirrors his movements carefully, precisely. His movements are much stiffer than the ones of his younger self, but like muscle memory, it comes back. As tear tracks form on his cheeks, he’s so thankful Rita went snooping and saved this video. When she first told him about what she’d done, he’d fired her on the spot. He never thought he’d be able to open it, much less dance along to it, but he’s done a lot of things this year he’d never thought he’d do again.

“Wow, Mista Steel!! You know, when I first saw this video, I really thought it had to be fake because I have NEVER seen you move like that. Obviously, I checked and it wasn’t edited but I mean you never know right!? Maybe you’d been replaced by a body double or something like in that stream- “

“Rita, dear, take a breath. We wouldn’t want to spook the lady and his impressive footwork.” Peter thankfully interrupts her blabber and Juno turns around slowly. He doesn’t mind being interrupted, doesn’t mind the looks too much, although the burning on his cheeks might say otherwise.

Peter has this look in his eyes, soft and incredulous, trained on the projection as younger copies of Juno move to an old Earthen melody. Juno clears his throat, watches their eyes come back to him, and shifts on his feet as the spotlight returns. “Um, thanks. How was the market?”

Peter’s eyes gleamed as he pulls out a tacky, jewel-encrusted watch out of jingling pockets. Rita’s voice steadily increases in volume as she says, “Oh Mista Steel, Angry M- I mean Ms. Vespa saw someone tryin’ to steal from Captain A! (Of course, they weren’t very good at it, I mean who would pick Captain A to steal from in the first place?!) But then Ms. Vespa took out her favorite knife! Oh and then we were almost kicked out of the market except then Mista Ransom did a cartwheel! It was almost like that show that Franny and I used to watch…” Jet grabs her by the shoulders and leads her away, apparently needing her for some repairs but not wanting to interrupt her story.

Juno lets out a whispered, “Thanks, Big Guy.” He owes a lot to Rita, and he’s glad now that they’ve found a good family that appreciates her in ways he can’t.

More loudly, he asks, “A cartwheel, huh?”

Peter chuckles, a sharp grin on his face. “You aren’t the only one with moves on this ship, Juno.”

“I would hope not, we’d be screwed otherwise,” Juno sighs, turning around to turn off the projector and walking towards Peter. “Did you bring back the spices I asked for, Nureyev?”

“Depends. Are you willing to show me more dance moves later?” Peter questions, eyes sparkling, canines on display.

As Juno walks by him, he grabs Nureyev’s hand and squeezes it tightly, dragging him towards the kitchen before anyone could make a mess in storing things.

Maybe it’s time the world gets to see Benzaiten’s gift. Juno’s world, anyway. He just hopes Benten approves.

**Author's Note:**

> When I first was thinking of ideas, I wanted a bad dancer!Juno idea, because I somehow magically forgot about Man of Glass even though I relisten to it all! the! time! So I reworked it into a Buddy-style "I work really hard to be this good," and Juno hiding out in sewers practicing with his rabbit audiences immediately popped into my head.
> 
> Anyway this is the first fic I've written in a really long time. (Like I honestly don't know what possessed me to write this I am so behind on my work) All this to say, I really appreciate any kudos, comments, feedback you want to leave!
> 
> Please take care of yourselves, sending all my love <3 -AM (@fangirl--extraordinaire on tumblr)


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